Why things you are scared of can help you the most in life… If you let them

Once upon a time, in a seemingly small world, there was a lass, who was afraid of everything. Everything around her seemed so much bigger than herself, and she came to think she could never be brave. She dreamed of a glorious future, but never really believed it was within her reach, so she never tried to grasp it with her hands. She waited for somebody to come and save her from herself, but nobody ever did.

Drunk on the idea that life would happen to her only if somebody else taught her how to live, she signed off the papers to have no responsibility for her life. She blamed fate, genetics and stars for who she wasn’t. She read a lot, and once she stumbled upon a certain quote.

“The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,
But in ourselves, that we are underlings.”

 

She thought it was nicely written and moved on with her life. The fault was still in her stars, or so she claimed. She didn’t know where she was heading to, but everything was lined to be rather… unsurprising. As it is often with plans and expectations, nothing went out like planned. Worse, it turned out to be completely opposite to whatever she had planned for herself before. She was kicked out of her fairytale and failed herself like never before, so she didn’t really know what kind of story would she fit in. She started doubting if she was supposed to be in any story at all. Now she was a lass, who was afraid of everything and knew nothing, not even herself. At first, she only mourned who she was. What she had. What she lost. Days were passing by very quickly, and she felt stuck. She wasn’t the old herself, but neither the new one. She was nothing, and she longed to finally become something.

Desperate, she took a step and went into the unknown because the alternative would be drowning in the emptiness, and she was never  a good swimmer. After one step, there was another one, and another one and another one… Suddenly she discovered than thinking of the next step is scarier than actually taking it. She was fully entering the unknown and it left her breathless. Breathless of awe and new found joy, not fear and panic.

The first stop of the unknown was France, and she found there way more than she had expected. Sure, they had a great cuisine, beautiful architecture, and a lovely language, but what she had found there was far more valuable to her – she found her peace. She was living with a family she had never met before, taught English to their children, and walked by the beach every day. The North Sea was cold, gloomy and whimsical, but it brought her peace, and joy. The family she lived with was full of love and trust, and it was a remedy to all of the world’s wrongings. She wasn’t terribly scared anymore. She still felt fear, but it didn’t paralyse her like it used to. The sea took away the fears and sadness, which weighed her down, and she came back home slightly changed. She met the most wonderful people and saw the loveliest places, so it made her rethink if the fault was really just in her stars.

Sometimes The North Sea decides to be less gloomy 🙂

The home was sweet and safe, but the concept of fear and stars kept crossing her mind all the time. She knew that growth was outside of her comfort zone, and her comfort zone was terribly small. Travel was a way to go. She decided to become an au pair again. Being with children was like relearning everything you knew about the world, and she sought to learn  it anew. 2 planes and countless of thoughts later she was in Catalonia.

Catalonia was vibrant, lively and full of opportunities. She tried food she swore she would never try before, met people from all walks of life, saw places so different to what she was used to and realised… she was doing it. She was living the life she actually enjoyed. It wasn’t perfect, but that wasn’t the point. It was the life she loved, and somehow it was enough. The people she had met, the family she had lived with, they made her rethink everything she knew. She stopped looking for fixed answers. Sometimes they were none, and that was perfectly fine.

A year before she said she would never learn to cook, since she was hopeless at it. In Catalonia, she cooked a meal she’d never done, and it turned out fine. Nobody died from food poisoning, the taste didn’t cause the outburst of desperate cry, and people were quite happy with it. The craziest thought came across her mind: maybe she actually could. She could learn how to cook. If she could cook, maybe she could do other things, too. Suddenly the knowledge that maybe, maybe she could do it all opened her eyes, and she finally let the light in. Poor stars got a deserved break since the fault wasn’t in them. Not anymore.

Catalonia has so much to offer than just Barcelona

 

Once upon a time, in an incredibly big world, there was a lass, who discovered that fear is not an obstacle, but a step in her way. She understood it was okay to be scared as long as you don’t let it keep you out of the game. She took a breath and divided into the unknown, and it wasn’t so scary anymore. Steinback’s words echoed in her head, as she took a plane back to home, sweet, home.

‘And now that you don’t have to be perfect, you can be good.’

 

Never had any sentence hit home as much as that one back then. Without everything always planned, without a desire to be always perfect, she could be good. She could try new things even if she failed at them in the beginning, she could be silly and human, and she could be simply… happy.  In the end, nothing had ever helped her more than her fears did. All she had to do was to listen to them instead of running away, and she did listen. Finally. Then, she lived happily ever after… Wait, shh, the wrong ending! In fact… the story’s to be continued.

                                                                          ***

Hi, guys! As you probably have already guessed the story is about me. I haven’t blogged for so long because I needed some time to rediscover myself. I am back now, and I am full of new ideas, so if you still want to stay with me, I would love you to visit Paper Coffee Store and enjoy some paper coffee with me. Some changes are definitely coming, but I am still thinking about their taste, shape and meaning. Stay tuned, and May Force be with you!

 

Have a lovely day,

Jessie

 

How to avoid burn-out when you’re overloaded

“Breathe in, breathe out, in, out, in”… I keep saying in my mind after glancing at my to-do list. I’m not in the Hunger Games, but suddenly I feel like the paper in front of me did put me into the middle of the game. The list’s not as long as The China Wall, but it’s getting there. Ambition isn’t short list-friendly, is it?

“You have as many hours a day as Beyonce, so sorry, no excuses” I remind myself, but my anxiety doesn’t like logic, so it ignores the hour part and replies with “she just woke up like this”.

Source/copyrights: giphy.com

I keep doing everything I can to… focus on something that is not on my list. Suddenly, all that is left of my beautiful productive plans in the evil list that burned me down. All jokes aside, the list could say “It’s not me. It’s you.” and that would be truth. Everything lies in the mind, and mine wants to defeat me.

Some people are more prone to burn-out than others, but it can probably happen to anyone at any stage of life. It has happened to me before, and believe me, it wasn’t pretty. The more ambitious you are the more burn-out can hurt you, but generally, it’s like a furious, betrayed woman – up to no good.

Since I had to learn how to avoid burn-out and make my life a bit easier here are my tips on how to avoid burn-out when you’re overloaded!

1. Decide what’s important for you

Sounds pretty simple, right? Well, from my experience, it is not. We are bombed with tons of different content and possibilities, and sometimes it gets difficult to choose what we want to focus on when everything looks interesting. As you might know, I love podcasts, and I subscribe to many of them. The problem is that each and every of them is interesting, so I end up wanting to listen to every episode. Is it realistic, smart and achievable? Absolutely not, because I have an actual  life to live.

How I solved my little problem? I chose what was the most important for me, and decided to listen to other podcasts if I have free time.

 

       2. Step back from your work when you feel overwhelmed

A 20-minute walk, a few minutes of break to have your cup of tea or a quick yoga session can make wonders for your well-being and ease the tension within you that keeps building up, up, up with every extra thing to work on. It’s better to spend half an hour relaxing than hours fighting with anxiety that’s likely to appear if you don’t let yourself breathe. As they say: a stitch in time saves nine.

   3. Take breaks

Even if you don’t feel overwhelmed, it’s good to take breaks at least every hour. The highly recommended Pomodoro technique includes 25 minutes of work, and then 5 minutes of a break, but I know people who like an hour of work + a 10-minute break system more. Do whatever works for you, but don’t ignore the importance of breaks, because you risk that your brain will ignore you later.

    4. Prioritize

Let’s say you have already decided what’s important for you. Good job, but let’s not stop here! Important things probably also have their own hierarchy of importance. Choose the ultimate queen of your “very-important” list and prioritise everything accordingly to boost your productivity.

   5. Think long-term

When you get overloaded with work and want to give it all up think about your ultimate, long-term goal rather than the emotions you experience in the given moment. It will help you to get some perspective on the situation. Also, if you push yourself too hard when you know you’re on the edge of meltdown think of consequences. Will one day of work make a big difference to your long-term goal or can you afford to unwind for a moment? Weight pros and cons and make your decision carefully.

6. Motivate yourself

It’s easy to get burn-out when the goal we work towards seems too distant, almost impossible. It’s worth to ask yourself  these questions: why did I start in the first place? How will I feel when I have accomplished the goal? It may remind us about the ultimate reason behind it all and work as a motivator. Youtube motivational videos or Instagram quotes could also do the job, even though personal motivational will always beat them, since it’s… ours.

7. Reward yourself for your hard work from time to time

A little reward for your hard work might reduce the stress connected to your workload. Allow yourself to go out with your friends, buy that dress or see this place you saw on the map only. It will give your life more colors, and probably inspire you to keep going.  Balance’s everything.

8. Leave some space for mistakes

Perfection’s a good friend of burn-out since they’re closely connected. The need to be always 100% perfect drains your energy like a professional energy vampire. It’s nearly impossible, or at least extremely hard, to always be 100% productive. Luckily here comes 80/20 rule. It’s very popular all over the internet and applies to different areas of life. I remember the model Miranda Kerr saying that she uses 80/20 rule in keeping fit, so it’s universal. The rule is simple: for 80% of times you’ll stay on track, the remaining 20% is your space for mistakes. This way you won’t beat yourself up every time you aren’t less than 100% efficient.

 

Here are all my tips for avoiding burn-out, but I thought you might like to see my ultimate 12 ways to unwind. Let me know if they work for you too, and feel free to write  your own suggestions in the comment section, since sharing (your knowledge) is caring. 🙂 

 

 

Remember you can follow me on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, Google+, Tumblr and now also on Snapchat – papercoffeestr! 

May productivity be with You,

Jessie

 

The Mind Zone: Why gratitude is magic

There are days when everything becomes bleak and hopeless. The rain feels like hailing, people are overly rude in the store and you’ve just destroyed your favorite pair of shoes.  You start to think “wait, my life sucks” and suddenly the chances of having a good day are gone. Sounds familiar? It used to happen to me quite often, and I couldn’t do anything, but agree to give all my joy away. At least I thought I couldn’t. Turns out I was wrong. We can train our minds just like we can our bodies, and it makes  us a force to be reckoned with in The Game of Good Days.

I can say from my own experience that gratitude is one of the easiest ways to feel instantly better about everything in our lives.  If you want to discover magic, let yourself discover gratitude! More about gratitude, how to befriend it and why it’s worth it, below! 🙂

First of all, it’s very easy to overlook good things happening in our lives. Why? We get used to them, and negativity draws more attention. Maybe that is human nature. Seldom do they report good news on TV –  they report accidents, tragedies, and drama: they all sell more. This is why it’s not difficult to fall victim to negativity, become a serial complainer and forget  about good things in our lives. Here are 3 reasons why I think gratitude is magic…

• It gives you a new perspective on things

Let’s say Jane Doe thought  “Oh well, I am a failure because I didn’t pass one exam and I don’t really have much money in my wallet”. She brings herself down and comes to one conclusion: “my life is terrible”. She may be – must be! – in a bad mood after all these thoughts. If Jane only reminded herself “Well, I can retake my exam, and there’s a yummy cupcake in my refrigerator. Oh and my sister’s coming soon, we’ll have so much fun!” she would be probably having a pretty good day. Why? Well,  despite some unpleasant things happening there was still something nice to look forward to, to be grateful for. See –  gratitude’s a game changer because it shifts your focus from negativity to positivity.

• The idea behind it is not complicated

You don’t need to know any specific techniques to make it work. You just need to think about things you are grateful for. You can make a list out of them in your notebook or phone, but you could also leave them just inside your head if it works better for you. Personally, I would recommend you to do lists, though. Somehow the written word seems to hold more power to it. Plus, you won’t forget it.

• It’s a game changer but  doesn’t cost a penny

The gratitude treatment won’t leave you broke because it doesn’t cost a penny. It just takes a little bit effort to change your thoughts and your attitude. Also, there are many free apps for daily guidance, if you need one. Wouldn’t it be good to change your thoughts by changing your perspective? My answer would be YES!

 

Now, let me mention the app I use for gratitude exercises. Yes, I called them exercises, because your mind’s also a muscle, perhaps even more demanding than your regular muscles, too.   The app is called “Bliss” and you can download it for free. It is handy for more than gratitude, though. Some of its sections are called: “Best possible future”, “Gratitude Exercises”, “Could be worse”, “Honoring people”, “Three Good things” and “Transforming Problems”. If I were to rate it, it easily gets 5 from me! 🙂 

What about you? What are your favorite ways to make your day better? Do you practice gratitude? Let me know in comments, I would be happy to hear more about you! 

See you next week in The Language Zone! Have a lovely week, guys. 🙂

Yours truly, 

Jessie

20 things I’ve learnt in 20 years

Dear friends,

our birthdays are special every year since they mark the number of days we’ve been revolving around the sun on our own,   but I believe some dates may hold more  symbolic weight than others.  I’ve been nineteen for the past 364 days, and turning twenty shouldn’t feel any different, but it does. See, nineteen still implies you’re a teen. Twenty makes you 100% officially a young adult. For most days I still feel like a little child who wants to hide from monsters under the bed,  and one thing I’ve learnt is that it’s okay. It’s okay to be unsure of who you want to be. We were born Tabula rasa, blank slate and it is our job to become something. It takes time, but time is running away from us anyway. Below I would love to present you my list of 20 things I’ve learnt in 20 years.  3…2….1…0!

           1. Sometimes the most beautiful moments happen outside of your perfect scenario.   

          2.  It’s okay to be unsure of your direction and desires – everything  takes time.

          3. People can’t fix your brokenness, but they can ease it.

          4. Lavender is perfect for fighting stress, and anxiety.

           5. Hot showers, tea, and beautiful scents can help when you have a  meltdown.

             6. Learning a foreign language opens a whole new world of   possibilities.

7. Having a gratitude journal makes everything seem better.

             8. Forever is just a word.

             9. Neither success nor failure is final.

             10. If you are your own best friend you’ll never lose.

             11. Youtube is a perfect classroom for learning everything,              especially languages.

            12. “You miss 100% shots you don’t take” is a motto to live by.

            13. No book you’ve ever read is a waste of time. The worst one will teach you how not to write.

           14. If somebody destroys you and chances you give them… you’re  allowed to let go. Even if you love them, even if they are family –          don’t burn out for people who only give a damn about themselves. 

           15. Being humble and kind never goes out of style. 

         16. Becoming better is a non-stop fight. There are no breaks.

         17. At the end of the day, you’re not what people think of you, but what you think about yourself. Don’t be your own enemy.

         18. Hard work is the answer to your prayers.

        19. Appreciate people who love you when you’re not so lovable, and  when you are loveable. They are here to stay.

        20. You can’t plan your life out because you’re a work in progress, not a report. Breathe in, breathe out and adapt to whatever is  coming.

I’ve been alive for 7303 days, but I definitely have to learn more than 7000 things about the world to even say I understand it a bit. That’s okay, too. Rome wasn’t built in a day. Happy birthday to me, and happy birthday to you – we’re doing just fine even when we think we’re not. Breathe in, breathe out… As Kimmy Schmidt says – sometimes you just have to take life 10 seconds at a time.

“I learned a long time ago that a person can stand just about anything for 10 seconds, then you just start on a new 10 seconds. All you’ve got to do is take it 10 seconds at a time.”  – Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Best wishes,

Jessie

Me before you – Jojo Moyes

Hello, my dear readers! How are you doing? Today, I have read one of the loveliest books I’ve happened to come across for ages. I shouldn’t give my opinion away at the beginning of the post since it’s obviously a review, but rules were made to be broken and bent… at least sometimes. For whom have I just broken rules? Few words:  “Me before you” by  Jojo Moyes. Let the bookish journey start! I would be happy if you joined me in this one…

SHOW ME  A BIT OF YOUR WORLD

Louisa Clark is a 26-year-old English girl, whose life has been perfectly steady for years. She lives with her family in a small house, has a long-term boyfriend, and a job in a cafe, which she really likes. Aside from that, she’s an ordinary girl. She doesn’t challenge herself and asked what her dreams are she has no idea. She lives from day to day: goes to work, comes back, does home chores, watches TV, meets with her boyfriend sometimes, repeats the cycle. Everything changes, when she loses her job in the cafe and has to look for something else to pay the bills of herself and her financially struggling family. She becomes a caretaker of Will Traynor. Will is everything Lou is not. Before a terrible accident, he lived his life as fully as possible, challenging himself in  every possible occasion. Their outlooks on life are drastically different, and as their lives come into fusion, the world changes in thousand of shades…

 

QUEENS AND KINGS OF THE STORY

Main characters of the book are realistically created. Lou is an honest portrayal of a small-town girl. She doesn’t know anything aside from her hometown, and as she feels safe there, she doesn’t want to change anything. She’s relatable in her struggles and fears, and she’s by no means perfect. She has her flaws, but she is funny, quite cheerful and her loyalty to those, who she loves is truly charming. Will makes an interesting example of somebody, who lost his identity, and everything he was and was proud of. As a disabled man, he can be ironic and simply mean to those around him, but this is his way to deal with the pain of loss. After all, he is still an intelligent, witty young man, who used to be a top entrepreneur and did everything from bungee jumping to climbing Kilimanjaro. Rest of the characters are also well portrayed.  Lou’s family is a good representation of a small-town family with all their hopes and problems. Will’s parents and his nurse – Nathan – also make a nice addition to the story and give it some more depth. Summing up: I believe all characters are relatable and  not even single of them made me think “Oh no, get out of this story”.

VERDICT TIME

Taking everything into consideration, I would give this book A+. It is not 100% predictable though it’s definitely not the other way round, too. As a small-town girl, I could relate to many of Lou’s struggles, which may make me more biased than usual, but the book is truly remarkable. The writing is  pretty plain, but not in a bad way. It’s just easy to read it and get hooked. The characters are funny and very human, and the story itself is gripping. I loved it from very first page to the very last. I would definitely recommend you to read it.  The picture below is Will’s advice, and I thought it was a quite smart thing to share with all of my female readers. Will knows what he’s saying!

For all of you who love movies more… there’s a movie coming in June! I absolutely adore Emilia Clarke and Sam Claflin so I can’t wait! Actually… I decided to read a book after watching a trailer. Nevertheless, it gives away quite a lot of what’s going to happen, so if you want to read a book without spoilers… don’t watch it! If it doesn’t matter to you… watch it as soon as you can! Yes, I am writing this as I’ve seen this for 8 times just today. Obsessed? Oh, maybe. Definitely. YES! 

Thanks for reading guys! You are the best. 🙂 

Yours truly,

Jessie